To Lose a Best Friend

To have a best friend means a lot. Helen Keller once said, "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light". Everyone talks about what it's like to have a best friend. That they will always be there for you. They say that best friends are the only people that really understand you. That a best friend would die for you. And they will. I have several best friends that I know that would, figuratively speaking, die for me. As I would for them.

Recently, I found that you actually don't realize what you have until it's gone. I could very well be talking about friends and moving on from a friend, as I have experienced this first hand. And while this hurts, I find that you usually move on from a friend for a reason. But losing a best friend is very different, losing a best friend is like losing a piece of yourself.

I knew that my horse Sarge was going to be put down for a long time. It was something that I knew would happen. I put off the fact that he would be gone, for months. I didn't cry, I didn't think about it. I didn't want to have to deal with that pain for longer that I had to. In the very end, he could barely walk or chew. At nine o'clock on Monday night, I was sitting in my bed reading a book when I realized that tomorrow was his last day. I realized that I had just spent his last sunset with him.

I walked to the kitchen and reached for some carrots, apples, honey, oatmeal, and some salt (Horses love salt). I then cut the carrots and the apples and mixed them with the honey and oatmeal in a big plastic bowl. With a wooden spoon I stirred it all together and added a sprinkle of salt. And then I sat and cried.

You can't change the past, I knew that. But at that moment, I wished that I could go back to when Sarge was still healthy and happy. I wish I could go back in time and spend a whole day with him. I wish I could've gone back and ridden him through the field and braid his mane. I wish I would've done better. Everyone does. I think everyone has a point in there life where they look back and they wish they would've have done things differently. And that can wreck a person but it can also make a person better.

So from then on I vowed to try to cherish everything and everyone. People need to start cherishing what they have while they still have it. Because one day everything will be gone and all that will be left, is memories. Cherish your friends, and try your best to keep them from slipping from your grasp. Hold everything you have close to you and don't let it go, because someday it might not be there anymore.

Many of you may have seen me at school on Tuesday. Many of you may have thought to yourself "Why does she look like that? What is she wearing?". And to those of you who judge anyone by what they look like then you should stop and ask yourself if you really know them. I didn't choose to go to school with watery red eyes, a stuffy nose and a big sweater. I needed to, because that morning I woke up extra early and I walked outside with my plastic bowl.

What hurt most about that morning, was that he looked the same as he always had. He licked as much as he could out of my bowl. And through the darkness I braided his mane and looked into his eyes for the last time. I kissed his face and whispered goodbye. And under the rising sun at 6:30 in the morning, I saw my best friend for the very last time. And walking away, was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

When I moved here five years ago, and I met you, I didn't know you would mean this much to me. Goodbye Sarge, I love you. And I hope there's carrots up there for you in heaven.

Rest in Peace, buddy